Thursday, May 18, 2006

Thursday, May 18th, 2006:
Springless in Helsingborg, Eurovision,
and the price of fish

What I think:

About the weather in Helsingborg this season:

Where was spring in Sweden this year, and just what the hell is going on with the weather in general these days?

Honestly, one day the temperature was coughing and shaking along at just above the freezing mark, and the next it was like Mother Nature had injected the meteorological equivalent of steroids into her viney veins, and blasted the heat up to near-tropical conditions (well, as close as Sweden will ever get anyway). And today it felt like bloody November again; cold & rainy.

Besides the obvious spate of colds & flus that these irratic fluctuations invariably cause, it's the flora and fauna of this great land I feel most sorry for. Especially the poor confused little animals. Many of them were happily snoozing away, even getting to sleep in a bit, when suddenly they wake up and it's like summer. None of this nice slow transition that spring is supposed to be all about.

For them it's like being rudely awoken by a clock-radio playing the worst ABBA song ever, like "{choose the one you love to hate most and insert it here}", realising that they're late for work, and that they might just miss one of the most important meetings of their career.

Forget the nice soft awakening, yawning & stretching, shower, spot of breakfast, skimming news headlines, checking what's on telly tonight. No. It's just a big fat obnoxiously loud "WAKE UP, YOU'RE LATE! GET TO IT" (or "Dancing Queen" if you will - on full blast), the poor buggers.

They have to run out immediately and start getting straight to the springtime shagging-I-mean-mating rituals. Not only are the girls not in the mood yet, but the guys haven't had time to practice their moves in front of the mirror. It's just plain awkward for all involved.

Then suddenly it feels like it's almost winter again, and they think it's approaching bedtime. It's like you've just come home from an unproductive and distinctly unsatisfactory day at work, you're now starting to really wake up, you're contemplating how you can make tomorrow a better day, and you're just about to have dinner - when you look up at the clock and see it's nearly midnight.

Damn! Where'd the time go? Did I accidentally eat some funny mushrooms before bedtime last night?

Let's hope Mother Nature keeps it natural next year, eh?

About the Eurovision Song Contest:

My girlfriend's watching the semi-finals for a laugh tonight, while I'm writing. So far, about halfway through, the biggest "wow" I heard from her was when someone came out the top of the grand piano during the Russian entry.

Whoah - stop press! Just watching the Finnish entry. "Hard Rock Hallelujah" by a bunch of guys in zombie/evil demon costumes, complete with grotesquely elaborate latex masks. I have to admit that I find this one fascinating. My girlfriend read somewhere that they've been walking round in these get-ups, in the heat of Athens, giving interviews. Apparently they smell not unlike moose bottoms.

The Lithuan group is singing "We are the winners of Eurovision...vote for the winners...". Sung to the turn of the kids' song "Na-na-nana-na". With a Van Halen's "Jump"-style synth thing happening, for good measure. Only slightly presumptious.

What? The Estonian girl is apparently a Swede. What's that all about? Why's that allowed? Boring typical Eurovision entry anyway. She'll probably win.

The Icelandic girl has a Vegas-style massive feather headdress on her head, with a tarty outfit to match. "Congratulations, I have arrived...Eurovision nation, your dream has come true, vote for your hero..." she sings in a Moon Zappa "Valley Girl" kind of way. Fetching. The sick bag (US/CAN: barf bag).

But I'm looking forward to watching the finals on Saturday night on BBC Prime. Yes, I'm going to watch it from the British perspective, with all the biting sarcasm that this institution deserves. Mr Terry Wogan [presenter]: do us proud, as only you know how.

Looks like Sweden's in with a chance. Yippee, yahoo, etc. *Yawn*

About the price of fish in Helsingborg:

Helsingborg is a vibrant little seaside city on the southwestern coast of Sweden. Well, actually it's by the "sound" (the Öresund); a sort of narrow strait that separates Sweden from Denmark (thank God).

The point is that there is an abundance of different kinds of good edible fish here, and lots of people who fish, but there are very few fish shops. And fish is quite expensive no matter where you go to buy it.

This sucks. There's obviously something fishy going on here, and it's time that the Swedish government did something about it. And the weather. And Euro-bloody-vision (like get someone like Terry Wogan, at least). That's what I think.


9 Comments:

Blogger Maggie said...

About the weather - things have been up and down here, too. Perhaps Mother Nature has hit that age and has gone all menopausal on us.

12:34 am  
Blogger Tug said...

Weather here? 90's today in Hooterville.....driving home Margo was SHAKING - I thought I'd end up in Kansas picking up Toto & TinMan for the ride back home. Now? HOT. again. Tornado season in Colorado. who knew.

6:22 am  
Blogger Tug said...

P.S. Have you heard any more on the book deal? It's fun to read your writing.....

6:26 am  
Blogger Mark Base said...

Book deal?
Nutshell: Googled the agency, read questionable things, e-mailed concerns to agency, only about 75%satisfied with responses, didn't want to take the risk...Longer story than that, but that about sums it up.
Might consider exploring other possibilities, but not yet.

3:40 pm  
Blogger Tug said...

hmmm. ratbastards. Keep looking, let your faithful readers know if anything comes up so that we may buy & support. ;-)

6:31 pm  
Anonymous Shazzer said...

I agree with you about Terry Wogan...he was "amazing" as usual. My Swedish girlfriend insists on watching the contest every year but I don't think I could stomach it on Swedish (or Danish) TV.

9:10 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As bloggs go I have to say that yours is complete Shite. You strike me as an unfunny smug twat

2:15 pm  
Blogger Mark Base said...

Such fine mastery of wit. I do wish I could have the honour of perusing more examples such stunningly astute repartee.

2:20 pm  
Anonymous Bob said...

I liked how Terry Wogan called the German representative Lord Haw Haw!

12:54 pm  

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