Saturday, January 30th, 2010: Acting, performing, and publishing recordings in Helsingborg and Malmö

What I think:

All in all, January's been quite a cool month for me here in the beautiful south of Sweden. I could have done without the snow, but it is winter, so I can't really complain too much about that.

Here's a photo taken today from our rooftop terrace,

with the Turning Torso in the distance:

There's one thing that did annoy me this month though.

Did you read my post about the contempt I have for the town of Ängelholm, where my cover band (CSI: Helsingborg) played a couple of months ago? If not, it doesn't matter; suffice it to say that this town (in which one of main attractions is a UFO Memorial) is one place that I wouldn't miss if it got mistaken for Bin Laden's cave, and got blown to smithereens.

I went to a rehearsal in Helsingborg on January 10th (as we were booked to play at Telegrafen on the following Friday night). It was a good one, with lots of fun, energy, and beer. Quite a substantial amount of beer. I remember that we actually talked briefly about about our Ängelholm gig, and I vowed never to set foot there again.

Afterwards, I decided (in my wisest wisdom) to go to the Telegrafen pub for a beer, before getting the train home. I was feeling good.

Then I went to the station, got my ticket (here's how ->) and got on a train. I was just in time, as well; the train left about 30 seconds after I sat down. Cool.

Then it occurred to me that I got on the wrong train. This one was heading northwards, ending up in Gothenburg. I would have to get off at the next stop and catch a train back in the opposite direction. I looked up and saw that the first stop would be - you guessed it - Ängel-bloody-holm. Nooooo!!! Oh dear. Oh dear-oh-dear-oh-dear. And damn, even.

Just hours before, I vowed never to go there again. The Fates were being painfully unkind to me, and not even using lube whilst administering their unkindness.

In my even wiserest wisdom, I was actually contemplating going all the way to Gothenburg. I would get there before 23:00 (11:00 p.m.) and could stay with my friend VikingHumpingWitch.

I rang my girlfriend and explained the situation to her, but she'd obviously not drunk of the wisdom juice as I had, so convinced me that it would be better to get off at the next stop, and make my way home.

So there I was.

There would be a 45-minute wait for the train to Malmö, it was freezing out, and there was no pub nearby. There was an empty taxi rank and a bus stop. Great.

And the train heading back was an all-stations one, so there'd be three extra stops before even getting back to Helsingborg. Super.

But of course, I made it home and lived to tell the tale, so no real harm done. But I was pretty peeved, to say the least. Grrr, etc.

So now, on to the fun stuff.

Acting

A few months ago, a friend in Stockholm mentioned on his Facebook profile that he'd gotten a bit of work as an extra for some kind of film or TV production. I thought that was pretty cool, so I asked him how he got that gig. He said that he was signed up on a site called statist.se (statist is Swedish for "extra") which lists ads for extras (as you might have guessed).

After having a look and noticing that you have to pay to sign up, I asked him if all the "jobs" are Stockholm-based, to which he replied in the positively negative; there are a few down my way as well. So I paid the small sum of 99 Kronor (about US$13.50 / CAN$14.35 / UK £8.40 / €9.79 / 1,985 Kazakhstan Tenge) for a two month subscription, and had a look. Nothing suitable. Ah well, no great loss. Then I forgot about it.

On January 6th, completely out of the blue, I get this email from someone called Frida at a production company called Dansk Skalle, asking if I'd like audition for a small English-speaking part in a film (US/CAN: movie). Hhmm... OK. So it was arranged that I would go to their office for my audition on the 12th. It turned out that they're only about a ten-minute walk from my place, which was well handy.

I went and read the few lines, and the guys said they still had other auditions during the rest of the week, so they'd get back to me during the next week.

On the 19th, I got an email thanking me for my time, but informing me that I didn't get the part. This was followed immediately by an email apologising for the previous email, and saying that I did get the part. Sweet! Perhaps the Fates had now withdrawn their prickly implements.

Last Monday (the 25th), I went back to their office to meet Åsa, who's looking after costumes for the film. She's actually also an "Aerial Artist". If you want to see what this means, have a look at Åsa's MySpace page here ->. She looked at some shirts I'd brought, checked my size, etc. and said that she'd see if she could find something better suited to the character.

I also had a bit of a rehearsal with the directors (Martin and Emil), which was cool; I got a insight on how they wanted me to play it. We then we arranged to meet on Wednesday (the 27th) for filming. We'd do it at their office, as it was a more-than-adequate location for this particular scene.

At this point, I guess I should describe the character. Without giving too much away, he's a rather scary German pervert called Friedrich; so I get to have fun with a German accent. In this scene, I'm buying gay webcam sex off one of the main characters. (Note: If you wish to leave a comment at the end of this post, please try to keep it clean-ish, okay?)

I got there just before noon on Wednesday, had a coffee and some biscuits (US/CAN: cookies), after which Åsa got me ready. She gave me this shirt that I would normally not be caught dead in. I think it will take a few years for me to forgive her for that.

Then she smothered a bit of vaseline on my face, and a hint of dark eye shadow under my eyes - to give me that tired, sweaty, greasy German look. Ooh oui, c'est chic. Actually, it was quite subtle; nothing too over-the-top.

Here's me practicing my smoking - turns out I'm a natural:

The guys had cut some cigarettes in half, so that when I lit them, it'd look as though I'd been sitting there smoking for a while prior to being connected to my webcam bitch. That's an old movie trick (ah, the magic of Le Cinéma, eh?). Isn't that shirt just... Oh, I don't know. Some of you may even have one like it; if so, I apologise. It's just so not me. *Shudder*

So then we got down to filming my seven lines, and it went really well. We did a few takes, trying different movements and different variations on the lines that were scripted. Have a look in the view finder below - that's what I look like.

Pretty creepy, eh?

The film is called Odjuret, (which is Swedish for "The Beast"). I believe the English title will be "Savage". It's due out at some point after the summer; probably in September or October. The guys aren't sure of how widely it will be distributed, but I'll keep you posted on that.

It was great fun, and a brilliant experience. Now I just need an agent for all the job offers I'll be getting.

Performing

As I mentioned earlier, CSI: Helsingborg had a gig lined up at Telegrafen in Helsingborg on January 15th. We weren't too pleased with the date, as mid-January is not a time that we associate with "lots of people with loads of money coming out to party". Christmas and New Year's had just passed, and it was the middle of the month - exactly two weeks until most people here would get paid.

But we got on with it. We met up at the rehearsal space and loaded up, and guitarist CSI: Nils and I walked to the venue (there was limited room in the car, and Telegrafen is an easily-walkable distance).

On the way, I used some of our crime scene tape at a few choice locations. Here's a shot of an area near the guy-on-the-horse statue in front of City Hall:

And here's CSI: Nils waving the banner across from the Grand Hotel:

Unfortunately, not many of the people I'd invited on my Facebook "Event" could make it, but we ended up having a fair number of people there anyway. Bassist CSI: Per's wife had invited loads of her friends as well, which was very cool.

Here we are during our third set:

Some people even got the boogie-bug, and got up to dance.

Shake that thang!

The people I gave my camera to used it to get some video footage as well. I was surprised at how well it turned out. I mean, the performance wasn't sheer brilliance, but the quality of the sound could have been much worse. Have a look at this clip of Get Off My Cloud, and guffaw at my clumsiness:

I put some more stuff on YouTube (here->) if you're feeling particularly masochistic.

So anyway, in the end, that evening was another CSI success.

Publishing recordings

A few months back, I saw an ad for a company called Zimbalam. For a fee, they publish recordings for you, and distribute them to places like iTunes, Napster, Amazon, and other online mp3 "stores". I had a few songs hanging around, so I thought it would be fun to go for it.

I published an EP with four songs on it, and called it "Consenting Adults". This is because all the musicians I recorded with were of legal age, and they agreed to work with me without too much Rohypnol-I-mean-persuasion.

And here it is:

I wrote the first, third and fourth songs. "Wedding" was written by a good friend of mine when we were in the Montreal Goof Rock band Rude Guru, back in the late-80's. He goes by the name of Dr Trinidad. He's actually married to Professor Maggie who writes the blog, Something Up With Which I WIll Not Put. They live in Montreal.

I recorded "Anti-60's Protest Song" with a groovy German girl called Barbarella when I was living in London; we lived in the same area, and recorded a few songs together. She's a great pianist with a good ear for producing and arranging music. She now lives in (on?) Lanzarote, where she mainly does website stuff. Check out her photo blog and personal website here ->

I recorded Dr Trinidad's "Wedding" on a weekend visit in Germany. A chap called Reto did all instruments except guitar, which I did. The backing vocals were done by the girls in the house at the time.

The last two songs were recorded with Adam in Milton Keynes, England. Adam played lead guitar on both songs (those groovy solos are not mine, alas). Coincidentally, Adam's girlfriend is actually Dr Trinidad's sister. Small world, eh? Have a look at Adam & Nicole's websites - Whispering Back, and Born to Whisper - especially if you're into horses.

Sales of the EP are currently doing better in Europe than in North America, they're doing particularly well in Sweden. In fact, all sales of "Consenting Adults" have so far come from here. Yes, I am the only person to have purchased the EP, and it was by accident. I was testing out how the iTunes purchasing works, and I accidentally bought my own EP.

So, what I'm really hoping is that some of my readers in the US and/or Canada will buy it as well. If two people in the USA were to buy my EP, I could say that twice as many copies were sold over there than here, so I would be "big in America", relatively speaking. That would make my January complete.

So how 'bout it guys? Yeah, you two; you know who you are...

That about wraps it up for the fun stuff, I think.

As for what still annoys me: Ängelholm still exists. Why?

It's time that the Swedish government did something about it.

That's what I think - and Lucy Fur the cat agrees.

Tuesday, March 24th, 2009: Recycling (and my strange building) in Malmö

What I think:

Since I moved to Sweden, I've felt that recycling is a pretty thorough thing here. I even wrote about how it works in Helsingborg a couple of years ago (here). But it appears that recycling is not quite as thorough in Malmö as it is in Helsingborg.

Having just moved into our new place in Malmö, we naturally had a fair amount of rubbish (US/CAN: garbage) to dispose of, so off we went on our first visit to the rubbish room. It's actually in the basement, and along a long-ish corridor.

What we discovered was that, while there are the usual bins for paper, cardboard, clear and coloured (US/CAN: colored) glass, hard plastic, and general household waste, there are none for soft plastic or organic waste (left-overs, peels/skins, bones, rude cashiers, landlords, etc.). So all plastic carrier-bags/wrappers and people you don't like (including rappers) have to go in with the general household waste.

Now, I'm just wondering whether this is an all-of-Malmö thing, whether it's just my building, or whether it varies from building to building, or area to area.

I know that there are a few fellow blogging expats out there who live in Malmö, so I would be grateful to anyone who knows the answer to my query if they would leave a comment for me. Thanks.

Another thing

Something else we discovered was that we actually have a sauna in our basement! Yes, a sauna!

Sounds exotic, doesn't it? Well...

Firstly, it's right next to the rubbish room. The smell leading to the whole experience is not really conducive to what I'd call "relaxing". Think: a very different kind of aromatherapy (leaning more towards aversion therapy, for all you Psychology buffs out there).

Secondly, there's no lock on the door.

When you go through the orange door with no lock, located just next to the rubbish room, you enter what looks like some kind of weird waiting room.There are hooks (on the wall) behind the door which leads to the next area, so one assumes that this is where one might disrobe (US/CAN: take off your clothes). If I remember correctly, I think that door has at least got a lock.

In the next room, immediately to your left, you see this:I have to admit that I'd never seen one of these before, and therefore have no idea as to what it could be for. It's about toilet-height, and almost toilet-shaped, but it's obviously not a toilet. Any ideas?

My guess would have been that it's for a mop, but I didn't see one around, and I somehow can't imagine people heading down to the sauna carrying their mops. But I don't know, maybe they do that here.

After nearly seven years of living in Sweden, I'm feeling like a total newbie again. Thanks, Malmö.

So, if anyone knows what that thing is, your comment is welcome.

Let's continue our tour, shall we?

Turn around from this toilet-like thing, and directly in front of you, at the end of this little tiled hallway, there's a shower.It looks clean enough, and there's nothing particularly nasty about it, but it just somehow feels grungy. Maybe it's just the environment. This whole thing is starting to look like the set of some gruesome horror flick.

Just before you get to the shower, however, there are two doors on your right.

The first one is the toilet.

It's not very clean, nor is it disgustingly dirty either. It's just not somewhere you'd want to sit and do the crossword.

Finally, the second door on the right; the one between the toilet and the shower, which is directly across from the weird toilet-like thing, which is just inside the door from the scary "waiting room", which is just through the orange door with no lock, which is right next to the rubbish room, is the sauna.I am by no means claustrophobic, but this place immediately creeped me out.

I'm not even sure if it was the size - with the prospect of being closed in with loads of steam everywhere - or if it was the thought of several years' worth of sweaty Swedish bottoms having dripped on these benches, but this place didn't appeal to me at all.

Here's the heater thing,

where you dump ladle-fuls of water to make the steam

(as seen from the top bench):

As it stands now, I can't really see myself going down there to "enjoy" a "relaxing" sauna.

But you never know; I may well get drunk enough one evening to want to give it a go. I'll keep you posted on that.

Bottom's Up

OK, so now we've been to my little corner of Hell. Let me now take up, up - way up - to a nice little piece of Heaven (or as close as I reckon I'll ever get anyway).

We have a rooftop terrace! OK, so we actually live on the ground floor, but this terrace is open for all residents to enjoy.

Sweden doesn't really have many of what one would call skyscrapers... I think the nearest thing is probably something called the Turning Torso, an odd-looking building which is apparently the tallest building in Scandinavia.

So this little rooftop paradise above the seventh floor (UK: sixth floor) is a pretty good ways up for this part of the world. And its size could make for some promising parties (although I'm not actually promising any parties).

It's kind of a C-shaped terrace...

Here's a view from one of the corners at the end

(facing the bit where the stairs are):

Here's a view from the other corner of the end bit

(facing where I was standing in the previous photo - you with me?):

And finally, here's a view from the other side, facing the end:

In the photo above, you can just about make out the water on the left (the Öresund or "The Sound" - it's a strait, in geographical terms), behind that building. You can actually see it better from up here, but I didn't take a shot from that angle.

But what's that odd building towards the right?

Yes, it's the aforementioned Turning Torso!

So there's loads of space up on the terrace, some tables that look like they're used for barbecues, and a decent view. Very good party potential. Maybe if I introduce myself to all of my neighbours, one of them might invite me to a party sometime! Or I suppose I could try to get a life and make some friends in Malmö.

What do you think?

Personally, I think that there should be more consistency with recycling in this country. Malmö should recycle all plastics and organic waste as well, so that they can make that fantastic bio-gas to run the buses, like they do in Helsingborg. It's time that the Swedish government did something about it.

That's what I think.